Twins are reluctant to be together because of the subjective emotional sensation of estrangement. Because twins are meant to get along, estrangement also brings about a great deal of guilt. These ominous emotions appear to be deeply ingrained and frequently contain a traumatic component. Depending on what caused the twins’ estrangement—serious avoidance of one another—it may last a lifetime. For instance, there can be ongoing issues after the twins are reunited if one of the twins sleeps with the brother’s or sister’s partner. Twins who fight instead of acting out their anger may take extended separations before reuniting in the face of grave danger to their lives.
After many years of emotional conflict, which in some cases results in extreme fear or hatred of their sister or brother, twins who are completely estranged from one another. There is no calming the tension. There isn’t a compromise that both parties can accept. There isn’t a mediator or therapist available who can repair this broken yet deeply ingrained link. In my experience, twins cannot be successfully reunited through psychotherapy. When they are adults, twins frequently go to individual treatment to feel better about themselves. If the therapist is familiar with the peculiarities of twin development, understanding your separation from your twin has a very high chance of being highly healing.
Twin alienation that develops from unresolved bitterness, rage, and disappointment is emotionally challenging and perplexing. It goes without saying that there are numerous unique, extremely sorrowful, and forlorn faces of estranged twins. Twins that are able to “get along” and work out their issues do not experience any negative effects from being apart. “Get-along twins” learn to respect one another’s individuality and accomplishments because their parents have paid attention to their twin bonding and individual development. Supporting one another is not as difficult or perilous as it is when twins are estranged. Even though the twins get along well, their high level of trust and ease in communication make it challenging for them to develop new close friends. Being apart from “get-along” twins can have major negative effects, one of which being loneliness.
The “on-again, off-again twins” are fighting openly because they fiercely disagree on both major and trivial subjects. Dependent and needy twins who share this form of attachment don’t acknowledge one other’s emotions and avoid having useful conversations about how much they are suffering. When “on-again, off-again” twins need one another for support and wisdom, they reconcile. The remedy is to acknowledge and frequently agree that one another’s conflict is common and anticipated. Being on the same side of the fence is more essential to them than understanding their hostility. Even when there is no way to go on, estrangement from one another can be very strong.
Try to picture the “leave-me-alone twins,” who only communicate during times of extreme stress, like a wedding, a burial, or a significant sickness in the family, hidden from cultural norms. Twins who prefer to be left alone are too considerate of one another’s sentiments.
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